Monday, 24 August 2015

Writing 2015

Description: This term I am with Rebecca instead of Troy for writing and we are doing ideas.Our inspiration was                                         
a cat in a cage with a bird sitting on top. I wrote from the cats point of view and the bird was bad to 
her. My goal is to have a clear structure, which means to have a clear beginning, middle and end




Hi, I'm spark the cat and that is my worst enemy sun the bird,well cannery to be exact and an annoying one to.
So I was wandering around minding my own business when sun flew by with the cat treats.I leaped up and grabbed 
them so we wouldn't tease me,( He likes to tease me but now your here he can,t.) Bop! Ow i will get you.


So i ran after sun and I almost had him (I am glad I did all that training with the feline patrol) and i just missed him by a second 
and so i went straight into sun cage! sun laughed and laughed because he had shut the door to the cage so i was not able to get 
out. i banged on the cage but that hurt my paw.


so instead of giving up i went on biting and clawing until it broke. i shot out with the speed of a tiger and the agility of a deer.
The thought of deer makes my mouth water. wait what a good idea that is. i can use a deer to ... no that would not work.

Well I have to go so by for now


Feedback/Feed forward:
I think that you did a good job at adding detail and I think that you have been working on your goal. I also think that you did a nice job at not going of the subject. I think that you could work on making them talk maybe next time. I also think that you could work on having a bigger story instead of a little on and make some phargrahs to make it look good.
Aalaa:) 

Evaluation: I think i did good with using my ideas and next time I think I could join them together

2 comments:

  1. Harriet, I think it is great that you are working towards your goal of 'I have a clear structure' by grouping your ideas into paragraphs to make it easier for the reader to follow. You have also added some great descriptive words to add interest for the reader. I think it would be great for you to make sure you plan your writing having a clear beginning, middle (problem) and end (resolution) to make your writing flow. You should also work to add some more ideas in your writing, adding extra detail to make it interesting to your readers and sharing the story you have in your mins with the rest of us!

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  2. I think that you have did your goal good because you have a beginning middle and end. From alyssa

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